Globe and Mail review of Cupboard Love

Stories=20 of trake and ermal will make readers=20 catillate

This=20 anthology of culinary terms - try blobsterdis - = is
side-splitting,=20 erudite and sometimes cheeky.
CUPBOARD LOVE: A Dictionary of = Culinary=20 CuriositiesSaturday, December 21, = 1996
Review=20 by DAVID ROBERTS
By Mark = Morton

Bain & = Cox, 399 pages

WENT to the = Star Grill,=20 the local eatery, and ordered a plate of funistrada, a side of = braised=20 trake, and some buttered ermal for dessert. Shirley, the always=20 exquisitely friendly proprietor, cast a look of suspicion. Not on = the menu=20 today, she said. Care to improvise?

Absolutely. = Good thing,=20 too. For funistrada, braised trake and buttered ermal do not=20 exist.

"Funistrada = is an=20 imaginary food name invented by the U.S. armed forces to see if=20 participants of written food surveys were paying attention," says=20 University of Winnipeg English teacher Mark Morton, who has = assembled more=20 than 1,000 food-related terms in this whimsical, side-splitting, = erudite=20 and sometimes cheeky book.

Research = into these=20 wonderful etymologies shows that U.S. soldiers preferred = funistrada, trake=20 and ermal to eggplant, instant coffee, apricot pie, Harvard beets = and=20 grilled bologna.

But better, = perhaps, to=20 imagine eating buttered ermal than, say, blobsterdis, which, = "although it=20 appears to be a court stenographer's shorthand for 'big lobster = dish' --=20 as in 'The vctm wz fnd in the blobsterdis' " -- is, in fact, = according to=20 Morton, a medieval food with no known etymology and for which the = recipe=20 was lost in 15th century.

There are = some really=20 juicy food words in Cupboard Love. In some cases, if we = knew what=20 we were eating, we might not eat it. Take "well-hung meat," for = example.=20 "Well-hung," says Morton, is normally a term "applied to people = with=20 large, pendulous organs -- men with big ears, for example." But=20 food-lovers will be pleased to learn that it also refers to meat = hung in a=20 cool, dry room for a time to improve its flavour.

For word = lovers, poring=20 over descriptions of how food words reified in time is enough to = make one=20 catillate, or indulge in "the unseemly licking of plates." But = there are=20 enough funny words here to sink our teeth into, and many readers = will lick=20 their chops for more.

Take the = origins of the=20 lowly strudel, for example. "Centuries ago, a German sailor would = leap out=20 of bed with his heart in his throat if someone on deck shouted = these=20 dreadful words: 'Mein Gott! Der Strudel! Der Strudel!' -- the fear = evoked=20 not by sticky pastry but by the spotting of a whirlpool, or in = German,=20 strudel."

For those = without teeth,=20 meantime, pablum "is the trademark name of a gruel fed to infants = and=20 other individuals too weak to defend themselves." And we did not = know,=20 until we read the book, that cantaloupe and musk melon are = apparently=20 related to the Sanskrit word muska, meaning scrotum. = Succotash is a=20 Narraganset (Algonkian) word for squash. Vittles aren't hillbilly, = but=20 Latin. Vindaloo, shockingly, is Portuguese. Sarsaparilla derives = from two=20 Spanish words: zarza, meaning bramble, and parilla, meaning vine. = Inside=20 Cupboard Love you'll also find the origins and history of=20 sitophobia (fear of food), avocado, trollibags, opsophagy, = gherkin, Fanny=20 Adams, spotted dick and choke-priest.

With food, = too much of a=20 good thing, or combinations of good things, can lead to fumosity, = which=20 refers to the potential of a given food to induce flatulence. = Morton notes=20 that "currently, no standard of fumosity has been established, = although=20 one based on logarithms, like the Richter scale for earthquakes, = would=20 seem most appropriate."

Finally, = when you are so=20 full you can consume no more, you are, in a word, farctate: The = term=20 derives from the Latin "farcire," which is related to farce, which = means=20 to stuff. This is a word which aptly describes Cupboard = Love, a=20 book chock full of enough fricatives and fricasees to delight even = the=20 hungriest of verbivores.

David = Roberts is The Globe=20 and Mail's Winnipeg bureau chief.

Stories=20 of trake and ermal will make readers=20 catillate

This=20 anthology of culinary terms - try blobsterdis - = isside-splitting,=20 erudite and sometimes cheeky.CUPBOARD LOVE: A Dictionary of = Culinary=20 CuriositiesSaturday, December 21, = 1996Review=20 by DAVID ROBERTSBy Mark = Morton

This=20 anthology of culinary terms - try blobsterdis - = is
side-splitting,=20 erudite and sometimes cheeky.
CUPBOARD LOVE: A Dictionary of = Culinary=20 CuriositiesSaturday, December 21, = 1996
Review=20 by DAVID ROBERTS
By Mark = Morton